I’m Never Taking His Last Name…

And we are BACK!

On Hot Topic today, we are taking a look at a modern woman who made a conscious decision to keep her maiden name even after marriage. At 29, she has chosen to stick to her strong ideals even against the traditional and religious views of her family. Now her friends start to look at her crazy, wondering why she’s decided to run with this “White Man” ideal like her life depended on it. Will she ever find a man?

Quick pause on the anecdote!

We can all agree how pivotal the role feminism has played in female emancipation and ultimately, the plethora of choices. The movement colossally altered the social and cultural structure especially in recent times.

One could literally feel the shift in the social dynamic as opposed to prior generations when men thrived in society as patriarchs leading on the forefront. Whilst the women held the fort back home.

The impact of this ideal has given a new perspective on gender roles, masculinity, femininity and now, legacy. Today, a lot of women have embraced the idea of merging their husband’s last name with theirs or completely keeping their maiden name. Granted, some of these women claim they refused to go through the name change because of the legal and political rigors.

But our story focuses on Kate, whose reason is because she doesn’t think someone else should replace her whole identity just because he’s a man. She finds it laughable that such an antiquated idea of a “name change” still holds sway in the most socially advanced and progressive generation in the history of mankind.

Flash forward, now Kate is 33 and she’s wondering why the men never called after the first date. She hasn’t gotten past the second date in the last two years. One of her recent dates, fessed she came off really aggressive and opinionated the whole time on the date.

In his words,

“I kept asking myself the whole time, she clearly doesn’t need a man. Why am I here…?”

And Kate’s pushback after he voiced his thoughts about her assertiveness was,

“Well, isn’t it funny how men say they want smart and opinionated women when they clearly can’t handle them?”

Frankly, it does seem a double standard. But a fair assessment will be to understand what men and women at the core require from relationships. Is it for needs, partnership, status or the ultimate companionship? Perhaps women are asking the wrong questions about men and ultimately, getting the wrong answers. What do I feel men want? As opposed to, what do men really want in a woman? Of course, vice versa for men as well.

Kate’s question to us today is, why does the name matter so much to men? Why do men feel emasculated once they can’t have a woman bend to the traditional “enslaving” culture that has kept us in chains for many years? Why do I get to lose an identity I’ve known my whole life while he gets to keep his? Doesn’t that seem unfair?

Just like Kate, a lot of women believe toxic masculinity does exist and as such, this adverse patriarchal society needs to be pulled down. On the other hand, modern women have become bitter about not getting results in the dating market but elude to the point that maybe this extreme disagreeableness in demeanor could be a huge contributor to their negative outcomes.

And men are asking, what’s the point of the title “marriage” if we don’t share one last name? We might as well take down the marriage institution as its whole essence is two coming together under a single union. Modern men say, women want to eat their cake and have it. You can’t ask for all men to put you on a pedestal, accept your unorthodox standards, and then feel bad when they choose not to engage. Where’s the trade off???

Perhaps, the biggest question Kate might need to ask herself is, if men haven’t stopped wanting traditional women, why have women stopped playing traditional roles?

We’ll delve more into this discourse on the podcast. Tell us what you think down in the comments below. You’re welcome to The Spectrum and this is Danny world… Please do listen to the podcast below and share your thoughts.