There might have been a little intermission from poetry for a while but I’m always writing, and here’s one for Danny’s core readers. Titled “The Addict” narrating the true story of my experiences with people who have struggled with different forms of addiction. It’s deep ya’ll. Enjoy this one!
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Some days I wake up feeling so accursed
Today is one of those days
I feel dense
So dirty
Unworthy of my own reflection
The disdain as I kept throbbing my hand
Hem and haw the arrow
Lust for an unquelled desire to be touched
I couldn’t take my eyes off her
Nor my mind off feeling her cookie crumble before my thrust
The craving for a profusely tingling sensation
Clouded my sense of thought
Corroded my sense of environment
Veiled my sight of the bigger demon, me
I have become the behemoth I vowed never to be
This vile act has taken over me
I hide so as not to be seen
Pitiful yet pleasurable
Filthy yet I wanted to be rubbed in the mud
How could something so bad feel so good?
How could something so destructive feel so rewarding?
Wrong yet right
But the truth caught me in my web of lies
I’d lost control and I was crashing
Moaning deeply under my breath
She kept fondling her nipples
Clutching her bristols tightly while I remained a voyeur
Aroused by every skim between her cleavage
And every dip of the index in her cookie jar
I wanted her so bad
Soon, I cried over spilled milk
Feeling numb
Now the disgust ensued
The regret and self-hate crept in
But I fear tomorrow I might want her even more
I’m at the bar again
Craving for that sip again
I thought I beat this urge the last hurt
But here I am, mesmerized by her sleek figure
And the clock just hit eight
She was my ice
And I, her fire
Reeled in by her ice-cold stare
I fought hard but the battle was lost the moment walked in
Maybe relapse is exaggerated
So I took a seat
Hoping she would find her way into my hands
Gearing for a taste of her content
Even though I knew I’d never be content
Again, I was about to break my vows
Perhaps I shouldn’t have made those vows
Why make promises you can’t keep?
Why climb mountains you can’t top?
Why open doors you can’t close?
Again, broken vows
This monster keeps hovering around me
How do I control this impulse?
An impulse my whole body burns for
An impulse that consumes me
An impulse that keeps me awake at night
How do I fight this demon I have become?
I seek you in the dark
And you find me in the day
I’ve become your puppet
Lord, I’m slowly losing myself
I have become so shady
Sneaking out to engage more with you because you don’t want me around anyone else
How do I put out this burning urge?
How do I refuse the one I venerate?
How do I say no to royalty?
I feel so helpless or maybe I’m just selfish
Enough with the guilty pleasures
It’s hypocrisy talking
Yes, I know that voice quite well
Maybe wallowing in self-pity helps numb the pleasure
But every day I still feel it
Maybe I just crave it
Justifying the taste in the pudding
Do I even recognize I’ve become my own poison?
Do I concede to my own regurgitation?
Or perhaps oblivion is bliss
If this was honourable, why do I regret it?
Or should I neglect it?
Maybe it’s time to accept my dark clouds
Embrace these demons and wallow in their amity
Perhaps I might find some respite
Or at least stop these righteous walls from talking to me
Clearly, beating her seems illogical so I might as well join in
Give me more time, I said
Haven’t you had enough?
The reply was instant but blatant
I broke character again or maybe I’m just a bad actor
Or perhaps the writer scripted this play wrong
There I go again, blaming everyone but myself
Clearly, I haven’t led with this role
I call them bloopers, he calls them blunders
I call them struggles in the faith
He says the struggle is my faith
Damn! Is this my fate?
I close my eyes and you are all I see
I open them up and you’re next to me
Inhaling all your toxicity
Maybe I do want all that smoke
Itching for another kiss from the serpent
This isn’t right
But it feels so right
How could she be so evil yet offer blissful gifts?
I have become a recluse
I find myself hating my own company
For only hers, hold value
And she’s mine to hold
She doesn’t want to have to share
The tougher our fight, the deeper our bond
How do I tame this tiger?
When part of me wants her as a pet
How do I keep out the smoke?
When I’m the one on fire
Legend says these are just conversations in the dark
They will never see the light
Trapped in this dungeon
With a tiger trying to rip my head off
It’s not a battle I’m going to win
Who brings a finger to a claw fight?
You call it a fiasco
Perhaps I’m just willing to live with battle scars
I know she’s beneath me yet I stoop
You dabble a while in the mud, you certainly become the pig
I guess the livestock has become the life-stuck
Your bar is filled with empty bottles
Yet I come here every night for the same drink
Broken glasses all over the counter
Bleeding from every cut
But somehow I wanted more
Guess I wasn’t drunk enough
Even when I had clearly lost control
Heavily intoxicated
Yet the truth, I fabricated
Slowly sipping
Simply savoury
Slightly stepping
Steadily slipping
Slowly sleeping
Slothfully slitting
Simply skilled slaughter
Like a politician, now I run a pity party
As water to a sink, you suck me in
You’ve become the author of my own story
Now I find myself flipping through pages
Scouring for the ultimate climax
Wondering if my story ends in a tragedy or comedy
I guess we’ll never know because I keep repeating the plot…
[TO BE CONTINUED]
WRITTEN BY DANNY.
DANNY WORLD 